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Feeling much better after getting some frustration out in the epic snowball fight, Smarti headed back to Eric’s house. He was looking forward to starting fresh with Harold and practicing a few coping techniques Rudolph had given him.
“When you start to feel frustrated, take 3 deep breaths. This came in handy back when all of the other reindeer used to laugh at me and call me names.”
When Smarti entered the kitchen, he found Harold circling a…well, he wasn’t sure what it was.
“What do we have here, Harold?”
“Well hello Smarti! It’s a car seat for Eric’s new sister.”
“How does it work?” asked Smarti.
Harold shrugged. “Not sure, but it came with an instruction manual Eric’s dad was reading earlier today.”
Smarti’s eyes widened. “Instruction manual, you say?”
Harold nodded and pointed to the thick booklet. Smarti approached the manual in awe, hands slightly trembling in his excitement. Slowly, carefully, and with great reverence, he opened the manual.
“Section 1. Rule 1.1. Always read the instructions for the car seat and your vehicle before installing the car seat.”
Smarti smiled. Order was his happy place.
“Section 2. Rule 1.1. Secure the car seat. Oh and look, Harold, there’s a diagram.”
“Huh-z-z-z-z-z-z-zee. Huh-z-z-z-z-z-ze.”
Smarti rolled his eyes. Of course Harold would be bored. He thrived on disorder and…spontaneity. Smarti shuddered.
“Section 2. Rule 1.2 Route the seat belt or lower anchor strap through the correct belt path. If using the seat belt, buckle and lock it at the latch plate or retractor.”
Smarti read through the instructions twice, then once more for good measure and then shook Harold awake.
“I didn’t eat the cookies! You ate the cookies!”
Smarti sighed. “I need your…help, Harold. It’s time to test the fit of the car seat.”
Harold eyed the car seat dubiously. “Oh, no way am I letting you buckle me into that contraption. You’ll never let me out!”
“Oh of course I would!” exclaimed Smarti. “But not to worry, I want to see if you can follow instructions. I know I can.”
Harold relaxed. “Ok, what do I do first?”
“First, ‘position the child’. In this case, the half-elf.”
Smarti climbed in the seat, handing Harold the instructions.
Harold continued. “Place your child in the car seat with their back flat against the seat.”
“Ouch!” grumbled Smarti. “You don’t have to push so hard.”
Harold ignored him.
“Place the harness straps over the child’s shoulders and through the slots at or below their shoulders.”
Harold eyed Smarti’s small frame. “I don’t think this is going to work, Smarti.”
“We just need to get an idea, Harold. Just do your best.”
Harold pushed and prodded while Smarti sniffed and snorted until finally…SNAP! Smarti was buckled in.
“Now, pull those straps tight, Harold.” For the first time this season, Smarti felt calm and happy. This was what he was made to do. Spread order, not wallow in chaos.
“Perfect,” he said. “Now, unbuckle me.”
Silence, followed by a low, almost menacing, chuckle.
“Harold?” Smarti twisted and turned, uselessly trying to escape the confines of the carseat.
“Oh Smarti,” said Harold as he slowly walked around to face the trapped elf. “Smarti, Smarti, Smarti.”
“Harold?” Smarti’s voice was barely above a whisper as he watched Harold walk towards him with a baby’s pacifier. “What are you–Barglggle!”
Harold, with joy and glee, shoved the pacifier in Smarti’s mouth. Then, with a maniacal laugh, grabbed the end of a light string by his mouth and gleefully galloped around and around the tree, untangling lights, causing ornaments to ping pong all over the room.
The Book: Never trust a giraffalope.
a pinch of homestead 