a pinch of homestead

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“There it is,” whispered Figgy.

The friends were all crouched behind a fallen log staring at a decadent and mouth watering Gingerbread Cottage.

“What is that?” Lil pointed at a large creature pacing back and forth on the porch of the cottage. Every few steps, it stopped and licked the doorknob. Or the porch rail. Or the doorbell. 

“I think it’s a–,” began Nim. 

“It’s a cat!” Pixie squealed, causing said cat to freeze, its red and white tail curved slightly at the top, just like a candy cane. Its swirly green eyes focused on the five trespassers hiding in the woods.

They all held their breath. 

GRRRRUUUUMMMMBBBBLLLEE!

“Figgy!” hissed Pixie. 

“Sorry!”

They watched as the red and white striped cat with swirly green eyes slowly, slowly sat on the shortbread porch, wrapping its question mark tail around its legs. Once settled, it nodded at the group as if to say “Come”.

Looking at each other for reassurance, they emerged from behind the trees and approached the cottage carefully. Once they were within range, the cat spoke.

“I’m Stripes. Guardian of Candy Cane Cottage. Who are you?”

Gulp. 

Lil spoke. “We are Santa’s Mischief Makers. I’m Lil. This is Nim, Figgy, Pixie, and Glitter. We are on a quest directly from Santa and we’re looking for–.”

“The Forgotten Mailbox,” said Stripes with a purr.

“Y-yes,” said Nim. “Do you know of it?”

Stripes gave one brisk nod. 

“Then you can tell us—.”

“First, you must solve a riddle. You will get three riddles. Three chances to answer correctly. If you get just one riddle correct, you may enter the house and gain the clue to the whereabouts of the missing mailbox.”

“Oh here we go,” grumbled Glitter. “More riddles, more puzzles, more obstacles in our way. Can’t we just find this mailbox already!?”

“Um…Glitter?” Pixie looked at her in concern. 

“Sorry,” sighed the disgruntled reindeer. “It’s just…I know this cat. Go on.”

Stripes smirked. “It’s been some time, Glitter. I trust you are well since we last met?”

“Yes. Fine. Please, just get on with the riddles.” 

“I’m tall when I’m young and short when I’m old. What am I?”

“Oh! I know this one.” Figgy turned to Stripes, chest puffed. “”A giraffe on a diet! They start tall and then, you know, they get shorter when they eat less!”

Stripes raised a whisker. “No, I’m afraid that is not the answer to the riddle.”

“FIG-GEE!” Lil shouted. 

“Don’t just shout out an answer!” huffed Pixie. “We have to discuss it first!

“A giraffe…on a diet?” asked Nim. “Really, Figgy?”

Figgy hung his head. “Sorry. I was sure that was the right answer.”

“The correct answer is a candle,” Stripes calmly stated. “It starts tall when lit and becomes shorter as it burns.”

“Ok, two more chances,” said Lil. “Stripes, what is the second riddle?”

“The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?”

“That’s easy!” said Figgy, sure he was going to get it right this time. “It’s my sock collection. The more socks I take out of the drawer, the more I leave scattered around the workshop!”

“FIGGGGGEEEEE!” 

“Close,” smiled Stripes. “The correct answer is footsteps. The more footsteps you take, the more you leave behind on the path.”

Glitter glared at Figgy. 

Nim, beyond frustrated, pointed to a gumdrop door knocker. “May I?” he asked.

Stripes smiled and nodded. 

Nim grabbed the gumdrop and shoved it into Figgy’s mouth. “There! May we have the final riddle, please?

“I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with the wind. What am I?”

Figgy frantically chewed the sticky gumdrop, bouncing up and down on his toes. 

Pixie, Lil, and Glitter wracked their brains for the answer to this riddle, while Nim tackled Figgy to the ground in an attempt to stop him from shouting out the wrong answer. Again. 

Pixie’s eyes lit. “An echo!”

Stripes nodded. “Correct. An echo “speaks” by reflecting sound, “hears” by repeating the sound, and is intangible like the wind. Well done.”

With a sigh of relief, Nim stopped struggling with Figgy and helped him up. “Out of curiosity, what were you going to say, Figgy?”

Figgy shrugged. “I was going to say it’s a ghost whispering secrets in the breeze. I’ve heard they’re quite chatty!”

Even Stripes groaned. 

“Come in,” said the Candy Cane Cat. “I’ll tell you what I know about the missing mailbox.” 

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MYSTERY SURROUNDS MISSING MISCHIEF MAKERS
Northpole Gazette
By Gilbert Gumdrop, Editor-in-Chief

The Mischief Makers are still missing, but investigative reporter Sparkly Sprinkles is in the field, sending us notes by carrier reindeer. After encountering a trio of vicious, nasty, gnomes, through sheer wit and determination, Sparkly has discovered Nim, Lil, Figgy, Pixie and Glitter’s heading. She is hot on their heels as they travel down the Twinkle Trail to parts unknown. Just what are these five searching for? Sources familiar with the matter say whatever they are doing may be a dangerous threat to Christmas itself. Stay tuned!

This is a developing story. 

“Let’s see,” said Glitter as she paced on the river bank. “We’ve tried asking politely.”

“And,” added Lil. “We tried offering sugar.”

“You mean you offered my last pound of sugar-coated gumdrops,” grumbled Nim. 

“It was for a good cause, Nim,” said Pixie.

“Then why didn’t you offer your King Size Candied Sugar Cube, Pixie?”

Lil sighed. “Moving on. We need to figure out how to get Figgy free of that ice column. His expression is starting to worry me.”

They all gazed at Figgy’s face. Unfortunately, his facial expression had been frozen in place when the ice prison landed on him. He had a look of someone who is….

“Constipated,” said Nim. “He looks constipated.” 

A deep chuckle sounded from the river, causing hairline cracks in the ice. 

Nim looked around frantically while Lil and Pixie made “easy there” and “Ope” faces at Figgy’s ice block. Glitter, who appeared to be unaffected by this new development, brayed. Loudly. And suddenly, the laughter ceased and a small, diminutive pixie fluttered to the top of Figgy’s prison. 

“Hello, Harold,” said Glitter. 

“Actually, it’s Jerald, now. With a Q.”

Nim, Pixie and Lil exchanged confused looks while Glitter rolled her eyes and sighed heavily and, for Glitter, dramatically. “Of course it is.”

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends, Glitter?” asked Jerald with a Q.

“I suppose it is unavoidable now,” said Glitter. “Jerald, meet Nim, Lil, Pixie, and in the ice block you’ve imprisoned him in, Figgy.” 

After a long pause, Glitter added with a calculated smile. “These are Santa’s top Mischief Makers.”

Jerald with a Q drew back, gaping. “Santa’s top Mischief Makers? You don’t say. Well, I am just a huge fan, probably your biggest fan…if not in stature. Blllfhahhalfahhalls!”

Lil pulled a face at the…was that a laugh?…that came from the creature.

Pixie and Nim gaped. 

Figgy continued to look constipated.

“Yes,” said Glitter. “So you see, we have a bit of a problem.”

Jerald with a Q peered down at Figgy’s frame frozen in the ice. “Yes. I see what you mean.”

“Well?” asked Glitter rather impatiently. 

“Yes, well it’s not as if I can just let you go now is it, Glitter. There are protocols to follow, rules to obey, etc, etc.”

“Glitter,” asked Pixie. “What is he talking about?”

“Well, my dear girl,” said Jerald with a Q. “This is the River of Reflection.”

After a few beats of silence, Jerald realized the elves were not awed by his announcement. “The River of Reflection? The one true source of goodness? The key to continuing on?” 

Glitter shook with suppressed mirth as blank stares met his gaze.

“Really, Glitter. Have you taught them nothing?” 

“Get on with it Jerald,” said Glitter

Jerald huffed. “Fine.” He floated straight into the air slowly, spreading his arms wide. 

Look into the river,
Tell me what you see,
You’ll see the other side
Once you answer me  

“Water,” answered Lil.

“Fish,” said Nim.

“Waves,” added Pixie.

“Me!” shouted Figgy. 

“Figgy, you can’t just say—.”

“Figgy!?” The ice column around the green-clad elf had disappeared, and Figgy stood, shivering, on the floating block of ice. 

“The green one is correct,” said Jerald with a Q. 

“He is?” asked three incredulous elves.

Jerald nodded. “As I said, this is the River of Reflection. The correct answer…broke the ice. Blllfhahhalfahhalls!” 

A crystal bridge floated to the top of the river. The party of Mischief Makers traveled across, while Glitter finished talking with Jerald. 

“C’mon, Glitter,” called Nim. “We’ve got to get going!”

“Ok, be there soon.” Glitter turned to Jerald with a Q. “Thank you for…guiding us.”

“It’s my job,” Jerald sniffed. “But, Glitter…you should know you are not the only ones hunting.”

Glitter paused. “Who else?”

“I think you know her. Or, at least, she knows you.”

“Sparkly Sprinkles?”

Jerald nodded. “I didn’t see her, but the Gnarly Gnomes told me she’d been snooping around, asking about four elves and an…ahem…overgrown reindeer.”

Glitter seethed.

“And,” added Jerald. “She knows about the mailbox.”

Glitter fumed.

“Just thought you ought to know.”

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Sparkly Sprinkles had almost had enough. Trekking through knee deep snow drifts, almost getting attacked by a passing yeti, and falling face first into a puddle of hot cocoa was not her idea of a good time. She comforted herself by focusing on the story she would uncover and the headlines she would write once she found out what those Mischief Makers were up to.

“Mischief Makers Found Collaborating with Christmas Criminal…The Grinch!” she muttered as she trudged through yet another snow drift.

“Figgy Frost and Pixie Powder Admit to Secretly Sabotaging Santa’s Sleigh!” She laughed under her breath, relishing the ridiculous headlines as she imagined papers flying off the press.

“Who are you talking to, Pipsqueak?” A high-pitched, silly voice startled Sparkly. She fell, yet again, into the snow drift. 

Getting back up, she quickly dusted herself off and frantically searched for the source of the voice. 

“Who’s there? Where are you?”

Three warty and wiggly gnomes bounced out of the trees. 

“I’m Snickerbottom!!”

“I’m Chuckleberry!!” 

“And I’m Gigglesnort!”

Sparkly looked at the three suspiciously. “ Those can’t be your real names.”

All three gnomes drew back in mock outrage.

“How dare you besmirch our names,” said Gigglesnort with a snicker..

“How could you doubt our answers!” added Snickerbottom with a chuckle.

“How do you style your hair?” asked Chuckleberry with a giggle.

“I, well…I mean, are those really your names?” 

“Of course!” They all three chanted. 

“Oh. Well, I apologize for doubting you,” said Sparkly, turning on her saccharine-sweet voice. “I wonder if you could help me? You see, I’m looking for—.”

“Why did the snowman cross the road?” interrupted Gigglesnort.

Sparkly stared. “Um, what?”

“Because the chicken dared him to!” answered Snickerbottom. 

The gnomes slapped their knees.

“Hee-hee,” she laughed half-heartedly. “Funny. But, I really need to find 4 elves and a rein—.”

“Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?” demanded Chuckleberry.

Sparkly took a deep breath. “I’m not sure…”.

“Because he had low elf-esteem!” shouted Gigglesnort.

More raucous laughter ensued.

Sparkly rolled her eyes. “Yes, hilarious, but can you tell me if you’ve seen…”.

“What do you call a snowman with a sixpack?” asked Snickerbottom.

Sparkly turned red, losing patience with these three. 

“The abdominal snowman!” answered Chucklberry. 

The gnomes rolled in the snow, laughing so hard that Sparkly discovered how Gigglesnort got his name.

“HAVE YOU SEEN FOUR ELVES AND A REINDEER?????” 

The gnomes abruptly stopped laughing.

“Geesh, you don’t have to get so upset,” said Gigglesnort.

“All you had to do was ask,” added Snickerbottom.

Chuckleberry burst into tears. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I’ve been trudging through this snow for over a day and I just want to find four despicable elves and an overgrown reindeer. So. Have you seen them?”

Chuckleberry hiccuped.

Gigglesnort glared.

Snickerbottom answered. “Well, not that you deserve the answer, but it just so happens they passed through here yesterday chattering on about a mailbox.”

Sparkly sighed in relief, then her eyes brightened with interest. A mailbox? “Did you see which way they went?”

“They went right over there to the left,” pointed Gigglesnort.

“So they went left at the fork?”

“We don’t know. They left right before we could see which way.”

The laughter started all over again.

Sparkly groaned and, taking her chances, turned left at the fork. 

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ELVES VANISH INTO THE NIGHT: Santa’s Mischief Makers Abandon Children’s Hospital
North Pole Gazette
By Sparkly Sprinkles

In a shocking display of cruelty, the four so-called “Top Shelf Elf” recipients have abandoned the children’s hospital, forcing 6 friendly, but exhausted elves to finish the season. This reporter caught one of the replacements, Giggles, saluting these tyrants before sending the rest of his crew out to finish the, rather lame, light display. One can only imagine what these deserters are up to. Whatever it is, this reporter is on the hunt!

This is a developing story. 

***

“And you are sure we can trust Flip?” Nim asked doubtfully. “He seemed a little…high-strung.”

“That may be,” answered Glitter. “But he is one of the finest Wood Elves I know. He would not steer us wrong.”

“Then where is this labyrinth?” asked Figgy. “He said it was just down the path, and we’ve been walking for…”.

“Five minutes, Figgy,” said Lil. “We’ve only been walking for 5 minutes.”

“Besides,” said Nim. “Flip said it would be conceal—AGHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suddenly, Nim fell straight through the snow path. The other elves tried to stop, but one by one they too fell into the widening hole in the snowy path. Glitter, vainly trying to grab the snow with her hooves, toppled in after the others. They all landed with a muffled FLOOF! Then watched in horror as the hole above them quickly filled in with snow. 

“We’re trapped!” screamed Pixie.

“Calm down, everyone!” shrilled Nim. 

“I have a confession. I stole the last candy cane from Nim’s locker!!” shrieked Figgy.

“Get a grip!” shouted Lil.

Everyone, including Glitter, immediately stopped and stared at Figgy who shrugged and smiled sheepishly. 

“Where are we?” asked Nim.

Glitter looked carefully around the space. “I think it might be…yes! It’s the entrance to the labyrinth!” 

Cantering over to a glowing doorway, the others carefully following, Glitter inspected the opening. “Looks safe enough.”

Lil peered through. “I see tall walls. It looks like a maze!”

“All for one?” asked Nim. 

“Nim, please, PLEASE, stop quoting The Three Musketeers,” said Lil. 

“One for all,” whispered Figgy as he exchanged a high five with Nim. 

Lil and Pixie rolled their eyes. 

“Enough chatter,” brayed Glitter. “Let’s go!”

Once they all crossed the threshold, the doorway behind them closed with a loud WHOOSH! Again, they found themselves trapped with nowhere to go.

A soft, melodic voice drifted around them…

Amid twists and turns where shadows play,
A thing of keys, points the way.
Unlocking secrets, with a hint so smart,
What am I, guiding your heart?

“Er…love?” ventured Nim. 

“I don’t think so,” said Lil.

“Maybe…a keyring?”

“Nah,” said Figgy. “It says keys in the riddle, that wouldn’t be the answer.

“Ok Mr. Smarty Pants,” said Pixie. “What do you think the answer is?”

“Let’s see. Keys…secrets…and hearts.” Figgy tapped his chin. “I know! It’s a rubber chicken!” 

Pixie and Lil stared at Figgy as he started searching through the snow for a rubber chicken. Nim, meanwhile, burst out laughing.

Glitter shook her head. “No, Figgy. It’s a map.”

As soon as she uttered “map” a slight breeze swooshed down the labyrinth and a detailed map fluttered to the snow.

“Oh,” said Figgy, abandoning his search.” Well, I guess that would work too.” 

Lil reached down, picked up the map, and smiled triumphantly. “We go left!”

All 5 friends turned left and found themselves trekking down a long, twinkling trail. They walked, and walked, and walked some more eventually coming to a long, winding river. It was too wide to cross and too rough to swim.

“Now what do we do?” grumbled Pixie..

As soon as she asked, the river turned bright white, freezing over into a solid sheet of ice. 

“That was easy,” said Figgy as he started to take a step. 

“Figgy, wait!” shouted Nim. Too late. They watched in horror as an elf-sized rectangle of ice encased Figgy as soon as his feet touched the river. 

He was trapped.